Is masturbation a sin?

In order to answer this question well, I think it would be important to know who’s asking, because I would approach this question differently if I were speaking to an adolescent who might be looking for a justification for it. Or a spouse who’s been significantly hurt and disoriented by their husband or wife’s betrayal. Or if I were speaking to a parent who’s trying really hard to walk with or talk to a child that’s ensnared by sexual sin. So it’s a challenging question without knowing who the person is who’s asking. But let me respond to the question “Is masturbation a sin?” in a way that I hope will be helpful to each person, to all of us, even though I would add or maybe subtract from my response if I knew specifically who I was speaking to.

Now, in Scripture, there’s no direct command, “You shall not masturbate.” But it is clear, from the earliest book in the Bible to the end of the New Testament, flee from sexual immorality. Like Joseph does with Potipher’s wife in Genesis 39. Or in Exodus 20, the Ten Commandments. God says, “You shall not commit adultery,” which, just like all the Ten Commandments, it isn’t just confined to a very narrow, “Don’t do this” type commandment, but it carries a positive, broader impact of “My people shall be sexually pure,” “My people shall be chaste,” and “My people, be faithful,” whether you’re married or unmarried.

Masturbation is something that’s so private and intimate. It’s done in secret. And it’s oftentimes shrouded with shame. So it’s hard to talk about. There’s silence about this issue. Now, on one hand, it’s very hard for a man to talk about it. But for women, there’s even more silence and shame. People think, “Well, it may be every man’s battle, but it’s just not something a women could struggle with.” But they do. And you’re not alone if you do. Turning to the world, we hear that masturbation’s a form of self-care, it’s a way to self-soothe or comfort yourself, it’s healthy and something a person does to help them and enjoy and explore their own sexuality. And it’s certainly seen as an inconsequential physical act. But what the world doesn’t know and they won’t tell you is that sex, even solo sex, isn’t just a physical act. It’s a powerful emotional and spiritual act as well.

When we approach a question that the Bible doesn’t specifically call out as sinful or wrong, I think it’s really helpul to ask a few follow-up questions. Ask yourself, would I consider masturbation definitely good? Is it a form of or a fruit of loving God and loving my neighbor as myself? Ask, can you honestly and in good faith ask God to bless you and use masturbation for his good purposes? If you’re married, it would be important to ask, how does masturbating affect my husband or wife? Does it build him or her up? Or does it cause a lot of confusion and hurt and sadness?

It’s key that we remember that your body, as well as your soul, has been purchased. It belongs to God. That’s what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:19 when he’s talking about sex and sexual immorality. He says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.” Ask yourself, will this master and control me? Yes, that is its agenda.

Maybe most importantly, wee have to look at God’s design for sex. And what we see when we look at his design is that sexual intimacy is inherently marital, relational. When we see sex first in the Bible in the first two chapters of Genesis, it’s important to notice that sex does not enter the story until after Eve is created from Adam’s side. When it’s just Adam in the garden of Eden, there’s no sex, there’s no masturbation. Sex isn’t there. Because sex is a gift from God that has a purpose, and the gift isn’t for Adam alone, for his personal pleasure. The gift is for both Adam and Eve together in the safety of the covenant of their marriage, and it comes after they’re married, after God says, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife,” (that’s marriage!) and then and only then do “they become one flesh” in Genesis 2:24. So sex is a gift to those who are married because its purpose is to unify and then over the course of their marriage to reunify them; it’s the means by with the Lord joins and then rejoins a husband and wife together. It powerfully bonds their hearts and souls together like two pieces of metal that are joined by soldering or by welding them together. And again its purpose is actually to serve each other and to serve your marriage relationship.

So masturbation clearly misses the mark or misses the target of God’s design, his intention for sex. And even though oftentimes we might lie to ourselves and say it’s not that big of a deal to use sex outside the purposes of God’s intentions, but that’s a lie. And so it’s always going to be destructive. And in the end, it never satisfies; just the opposite. It leaves us with a residue of guilt and shame and regret, and it leaves us silently hiding. Proverbs 2:17 says, “Stolen bread tastes sweet, but in the end it turns to gravel in the mouth.”

Sex is a gift that God gives to married couples. It’s a gift a husband gives his wife and a wife gives her husband. Masturbation, on the other hand, is stealing that gift and using it for yourself. It tastes sweet, like bread. In other words, it’s pleasurable. But you are stealing something that doesn’t belong to you, that wasn’t meant solely for your individual pleasure. And in the end, it will turn to gravel in your mouth—there’s no nourishment for you, just the opposite—you’ll break your teeth on it. It will bring loss and damage to you and those in your life.

So to those of you who are struggling, I want to encourage you with an image, a metaphor that God gives us in the Song of Songs. Whenever God speaks of and depicts sexual intimacy in marriage in the Song, it is an organic picture of a garden, of a vineyard. I love it that it’s organic, that it’s something that not only can grow and does flourish, but when it’s been damaged, it can be regrown, it can be tended and nourished and fertilized and become something beautiful again.