In this episode of Where Life and Scripture Meet, host Gunner Gundersen continues his conversation with CCEF faculty member Mike Emlet about caring for aging parents. Building on the previous episode, Mike reflects on the blessings and burdens of caring for his mother during her final season of life.

Mentioned in this episode: Join us this October 16–18 in Virginia Beach for our conference, Fully Human: Life as God Designed. Learn more and register at ccef.org/2026.

00:00 Introduction
01:34 Recap of the caregiving journey
05:02 The burdens and limits of caregiving
06:36 When plans change in caregiving
13:55 Anxiety, fatigue, and trusting God’s grace
17:17 When caregiving interrupts your plans
19:37 Cultivating spiritual life in caregiving
27:52 Compounded suffering in a difficult time
31:40 Weakness and strength at the same time
34:27 Psalm 121 and the hope of God’s keeping
36:31 Closing reflections

Hello and welcome to our CCEF podcast, “Where Life and Scripture Meet.” My name is Gunner Gundersen and I serve as the Dean of Faculty with CCEF. Today, I'm really grateful to be continuing our conversation from our last episode with Dr. Mike Emlet, one of our CCEF faculty, about his recent experience of caring for his mother. Mike, thanks so much for joining us again for this second part.

I'm glad to be here again.

If you haven't already listened to the last episode, I'd highly encourage you to do that. Mike shares just beautifully about his mom and who she was, and the process of starting to realize that she would need more focused care and the way that they, in God's leading, ended up caring for her in her home for a little bit, but then bringing her into their home. I really encourage you to hear that as background for this conversation. 

But Mike, there's just so much here that I think is worthy of exploring further and giving you a chance to honor your mom and just hear about what this experience is like and what the Lord did. I wanna also say a big reason why we wanna have this conversation is because there are so many people who are really seeking to either care for aging parents or loved ones or those that may be in chronic situations that requires that, or they're considering what that may look like in the near future. 

They're navigating decisions, the blessings and burdens of the situation, relationships, resources, uncertainty, so many different dynamics that can really, really feel endless in many ways. And so we just want to have a conversation that we hope could be helpful for those who may be in the midst of it or facing it, or perhaps looking back on a caregiving journey that they themselves are working through still, and seeking to kind of understand and look back on in ways that would honor the Lord and be helpful to their own souls.

So again, we're really grateful to get to continue this conversation. Last time we finished off Mike, just in sharing a little bit about some of both the blessings and the burdens of caring for your mom and your home. And as you've reflected that on a little bit, anything else that comes to mind there as you think about those categories?

Well, certainly, think in terms of the blessing,I mentioned this the last time, of just having extended time with my mom, but also just the beautiful opportunity to know that she is well cared for, well-fed, comfortable. One of the things that she really enjoyed was having her hair washed, which I loved doing for her as part of her bathing routine. So that was just a sweet thing. And I think because of my background as a physician and my wife Jody's background as a nurse, my mom was very open in terms of those kinds of intimate care details. That was not a problem for her. So that was a blessing to be able to do those small things. Provide dessert for her. She always liked to have a dessert with her meal, so I would try to urge her to eat a little more during her main meal and she’d say “No, I want to save room for dessert.” So those were just small, but substantial, blessings.

I think we also talked about some of the, as you say, the hard things, the burdens. And I think another, and this is part of what we talked about in terms of seeing her decline up close and personal, that was a hard thing. And then I think coupled with that, realizing our own finiteness in our abilities to care, our own limitations became more apparent over time as my mom's decline, both cognitively and physically, increased. So at various points, we had to shift gears as we sought the Lord's wisdom. So we got to a point where we began to explore long-term care options for skilled nursing facilities, because we realized we were coming to the end of what we felt that we could provide as she needed more and more care. So, and as part of that, if you will, community of input, so there were on the ground people that we talked about last time, but also we had conversations with an elder care attorney and an aging care manager, both of whom were really helpful to us in terms of navigating some of these really complex possibilities and next steps. 

I think those who are caring for aging parents have a vision and an ideal of what they would like to see happen. And sometimes that's able to happen and other times it's not. And I think being honest and prayerful before the Lord will help to discern what is the wisest next step, even if it differs from what your ultimate ideal vision would be. So I think that also was hard having to, in a sense, toward the end of my mom's life, she had some acute medical things that came up related to her heart that took her back into the hospital. 

This was when we were considering longer term care possibilities for her, but that actually began a pretty substantial and quicker decline. So she was in the hospital, she went to rehab, she went back to the hospital and then ultimately was in hospice for a week before she died. And that was very hard. It wasn't my vision of what I would have liked to see, but it was what happened and we sought to be faithful and continue to honor my mom even as the situational and circumstantial changes happened.

Mike, what might've been some of the signs or signals for you and your wife Jody as you came to realize that she would need a different kind of care than what you had been providing?

I think some of the things that we saw were that my mom needed increasing help with most activities of daily living. So if she needed to go to the bathroom, we needed to help her with that dressing. She was still feeding herself. But more and more time was spent on, you know, daily care issues. And given the fact that both Jody and I needed to continue to work, neither of us could, could end our job to become a full-time caregiver, that we were coming up to the limits, basically of what we felt we could do. And honor the, in a sense, varied responsibilities and roles that God had given us. So I am called to honor my parents and I'm called to honor my mom, but I'm also a husband and a worker and a parent. And so, I don't know, our children were out of the home at this point, but they're still, you're still a parent. And so what does it mean to parent an adult child? So there are multiple roles and responsibilities that God had. And so I think just realizing in order to best steward those things, that's why I think we felt like we needed to at least start exploring long-term skilled nursing facilities for her.

Mike, you and I talked a little bit about how we would not want this conversation to affect listeners in this way, that people hear this way, that you and your wife Jody, you mentioned last episode being in lockstep with one another. We don't want people to hear that as the specifics of the Emlets’ situation are the only way to honor your parents as they age and as they need care. But rather, this was one way that honors the biblical principles and callings, but that you have to take a look at the situational factors that you're facing and any number of things. Could you maybe speak a word about that?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think every family is different. And so what is wisest for one family may not be wisest for another family. And I think, I mean, even in our own caregiving journey, it changed over time, right? Like, so initially we were caring for my mom in her home. Then we cared for her in our home. And then at the end, she was in the hospital and rehab and ultimately in hospice. And so we had to, I think, prayerfully discern at each juncture, what would the Lord have us do? So even within our own journey, it varied. It didn't have a straight line, but there were a lot of twists and turns. And I think that's really important for anyone listening to realize that what the Lord may have for you may look very different from what he had for us. So I think the main thing is seeking to care as well as you can, and to prayerfully consider what is the Lord calling us to do and are there…What are the resources that God has given around you to help even in the decision-making process, let alone the day-to-day kinds of care?

I wanted to take some time just to share and some reflections on just what was happening in your heart over this process. How did the Lord meet you? How did you see him at work? Some of those things. I just want to say, I remember many years ago, long before I came to work with CCEF, I heard David Powlison, your friend and former colleague, and our late executive director, you know, talk about how sometimes when we're sharing prayer requests, let's say in a prayer gathering, we take a video camera approach where we kind of take a look at the different things going on around us in our lives and we share those things. Somebody in our life who has something difficult going on and “Could you pray for them?”

But sometimes we never take ourselves out from behind that camera and allow that camera to pan to our own hearts and say, here's what's going on in me. Here's what I'm wrestling with. Here's what I'm learning. Here's what the Lord is showing me. Here's what you could pray for, for me in the midst of this situation that does involve another person or another group or something external to me. And I've been encouraged by the way that you've sought to share your own heart with us along the journey. With all that in mind, what were some of the things happening in your heart over this process? How was the Lord meeting you? What was he teaching you?

Yeah, think, again, by God's grace, I really felt a sense of calling. This is what he has called us to. And so I think that as a foundation was so helpful. Like when you're in the midst of a hard thing, if you really feel like this is the Lord's providence, this is what he's calling you and equipping you to do. I think that's so helpful. I would say some of the places where I struggled were related to anxiety, wondering about the future, worrying about the future, not knowing what would be next in terms of, I think it was particularly hard, as my mom started to decline more physically and we were spending more time in terms of care. It was a very hard thing I think, to wrestle with in terms of I felt, I felt a sense of guilt perhaps, right? Like in terms of even thinking there maybe there needs to be another option other than her care within our home. So I think having to wrestle with that. And then again, the anxiety of, what is the wisest course here? 

So I think, yeah, anxiety, self-doubt there in the midst of some of those decisions. Feeling, yeah, feeling fatigued, I think, physically and emotionally. I think that was hard. But I also, in one of the Scriptures that the Lord has continued to use over a few years now is 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. But even subsequently to my mom's death, this has been, I think, a precious scripture where Paul is talking about his thorn. He prayed for God to remove it. But essentially, God was saying, have something even more important for you, Paul, which is that you might know my grace in the midst of weakness and know that it's sufficient. And I think that was a theme, right, like especially when I started to think about, what about a month from now or two months from now or, well, sufficient grace for today. And so that I think was so helpful. Not easy in the sense of feeling like, okay, this gives me just this automatic peace, but there is this sense of the Lord is present, His grace is sufficient, He is personally present to us in the midst of our challenges. So I think, yeah, having a growing and ongoing sense of the Lord being with us in this was so helpful.

Mike, I know there's a sense in which these seasons can really be and feel like interruptions to other parts of our life, even disruptions to things that we believe would be our calling or our main focus in a certain chapter might be our preference in terms of how things go. Can you talk a little bit about addressing that? You've spoken about your love for your mom and the clear sense of calling to honor her. At the same time, this calling does then interrupt or disrupt other aspects of life. How did the Lord enable you to think through that and work through that?

Yeah, I think realizing that just the so-called interruptions were actually part of the call, right? Like, again, I can have an idea of “This is how I want my day to go.” And, it's not going that way. There's an interruption. I think having to grapple with the Lord's providence in that, that this is what he's allowing. And can I trust that my Father knows what is best? And many times it was, “I believe Lord, help my unbelief.” But I think even seeing that in the life of Jesus, like one Scripture that is helpful here, I think for me is in Mark 5, when Jesus is going to care for Jairus's daughter. And along the way, right, there's this woman who has bleeding and stops, the whole procession stops. And it's, in one sense, it's an interruption, right? He's on a mission, but it's not an interruption. This is part of the Father's call for him right here and now. And so I think in a similar way, I accept this is not the way I was planning it to be, but the Lord has laid it out in this particular way. And can I receive that? Can I believe that He's for me, for us, for my mom, for my wife, Jody, in this change that I didn't anticipate?

You know, Mike, you, in God's providence published a mini book a number of years before you entered this journey yourself, but it's called Help for the Caregiver: Facing the Challenges with Understanding and Strength. And it's really helpful. I would encourage anyone who is needing wisdom for this or encouragement to take a look at that. But you have one section called “Practical Strategies for Change.” And I love the first heading. It says, “Get ready, get set, be still.”

And it's the section where you talk about cultivating spiritual life in this kind of season that can be overwhelming and exhausting, even when you know it is that calling, even when you know that the Lord has made clear that this is his path and chapter for you. Can you talk a little bit about that, how you sought to cultivate spiritual life in this season yourself and some of the experiences that you had?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, those who are parents of very young children also experience this: that they don't necessarily have the time, the set aside moments, that they might normally have, or they might not be as frequent to sit down and have some more extended time in the Word and prayer. And that was the case for us, for sure. So I think realizing the Lord is present. So what does cultivating an ongoing dependence and prayer life look like? Prayer not being confined to a certain time of day, but rather the Lord is accompanying me by his Spirit on this journey throughout the day

Can I realize that and notice that and actually have an ongoing conversation, i.e. prayer with him, as the day goes on? So I think that was something that was becoming more of a reality in my life. I think cultivating gratitude, cultivating places of thankfulness, I found helpful. So amid the hard, where are the good blessings, the graces of the Lord that are so evident in a given day? So even in the hard days, there are places, and they may be small things, but can I notice those things? And I think just being, asking the Lord to help me to be more self-aware in terms of my own heart, you know, so that if I'm getting anxious: rather than, wow, the train's left the station and now I'm, you know, six miles down the tracks, can I notice that earlier and then take that to the Lord again in that very on-the-fly kind of way? I think those were things.

I think Jody and I prayed more together. Mostly at night, I think, is when we had the time to do that. Both of us were tired. Sometimes one of us fell asleep while the other was praying. That was okay. But that was, I think, a time where together we cultivated dependence, sought the Lord, brought these thorny questions. “Lord, what is the next step? Where should we go? We need help.” So I think those were places that were important. And, you know, continuing to be part of the body weekly, worshipping the Lord, that was always a place… my mom came with us to our church here outside of Philadelphia right up until the time where she went into the hospital and her final decline happened. That was just a beautiful time as the Lord intends for us to worship him, to reorient our hearts toward him, to receive from him, both in terms of ministry of the Word and sacrament. And we did it together with my mom. So that was an incredible blessing.

Mike, I remember visiting your church a couple times and seeing you and Jody and your mom there together up a little bit near the front left where the couple times when I saw you, and just now I had this image seeing that as you're describing her going to church with you all. There she is, she who has you know surrounded you with her love for her life and as you mentioned last time, loving Jody so much before you all were married. When she met her, she said, “You know, if Mike doesn't marry you, I'll probably adopt you,” or something like that. And, you know, her just surrounding you with her love. And then now at this later stage of her life, you both surrounding her with your love now, and then the church around you in this visual surrounding as you're there to again be kind of soaked again and saturated again in the gospel and the Word of God, and the fellowship of the saints, and all these things. And then in the midst of all of that, knowing that that whole community is then held by the Lord and it’s just a beautiful almost “nested” picture of how cared for she was. I'm just really thankful that with all of the burdens and the challenges you've consistently testified to that.

Yeah, just it's a sweet picture for me to picture you and Jody there with her in the Lord's house and with the Lord's people, enabling her to continue to be surrounded by a love that's broader than your own even.

Well, and she loved being there. Her commitment to her local churches she was part of, you know, when she lived in South Central PA and transferred to here, she wanted she wanted to be with with the Lord's people on on Sunday mornings and even it’s a very different style of worship. I mean, she grew up with organ and piano and hymns and our worship is much more contemporary. And so I was wondering, “How would she, how would she fare with that?” And I think the second time we were there, the service ended and she, I looked around and she was on her way motoring toward the front with her walker. I was like, “What is she doing?” She went up to tell our worship leader, Matt, to tell him how much she enjoyed his guitar playing. So it was just such a beautiful picture of her own joy and being with God's people.

Yeah, it's wonderful.

Mike, we've talked in the kind of first part and in this part about the journey of realizing your mom would need more focused care-you and Jody driving, alternating down the Pennsylvania turnpike for five months to care for her in her home, two and a half hours away. Then coming to the realization through various kinds of signs and signals and exacerbated health issues that it would be better now and necessary for you to bring her into your home. And you did that for a time and you've mentioned then near the end needing to have care outside of the home, which really became a hospice for that week. And your mom then went on to go to be with the Lord in glory and so thankful for her faith and for the Lord's grace in her life and how evident that was and the fruit of her life as well and the assurance that she had and you all can have about the Lord's work there.

Something else happened though in your family around this time that you all were navigating. It's just a reminder to me that sometimes there can be a long journey, that at the same time it's coming to a conclusion perhaps in some way, and then other challenges and blessings can break into. Can you talk a bit about that part of the story?

Sure. Yes. Three days after my mom died, our daughter, who was pregnant with twins, went into preterm labor and needed an emergency C-section to deliver. So she delivered our grandsons at 26-and-a-half weeks. And they spent four and a half months in the NICU. Thankfully they are home. They were home as of August and September of 2025 and they're doing well. But that was a pretty overwhelming week as you can imagine. Care for our daughter, and her husband, and what was happening, just, yeah, the heaviness and the sense of extreme angst at that point, wondering with, you know, praying, crying out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, don't take my mom and, you know, our grandsons in the same week.” That was really, really hard. And I, you know, I think that started another season in a sense of care and oversight for our daughter and our son-in-law, who have just done a fabulous job as new parents, being with their boys in the NICU and then now that they're home. Any listeners who have had twins, you know what happens when your children come home from the hospital. It's continued to be all hands on deck for them at home. That was a particularly hard season. I think there are ways in which I'm still only beginning to grieve my mom's loss. I think moving from her death, preparing to officiate her funeral, and then, you know, caring for and having our own sense of burden in terms of our grandsons, Ezra and Judah. I think there's a way in which I still am having to process my mom's death. So there I think there are ways in which I still haven't fully grieved and haven't really had time to sit down and kind of “Let me reflect more fully on the journey.” In some ways, yeah, sitting down doing this now is, I think, in God's providence, part of that process.

I think, again, one of the things that we've learned and continue to learn is that, “Alright, God's strength and power is simultaneously poured into our life amid weakness,” as opposed to, “Be weak for a while, then I'll be strong. Then I'll be weak for a while, then I'll be strong.” It's like a both/and. And so again, we have seen the Lord provide grace sufficient during a very hard season.

Mike, many of us were really helped when you shared at the conference last year a principle in summary that you just shared here, which is that that experience of grace and weakness, or that experience of weakness and then strength is not sequential, but simultaneous, that we don't just experience weakness and then strength rushes in, and there is no more sense of weakness. But that the Lord meets us in our weakness and strengthens us, bu there is a both/and in the midst of that.

Yeah, I think sometimes at least I can speak for myself. I'm, you know, in the midst of hardship, kind of waiting, waiting, waiting, hoping I'll get around the corner of that difficulty and then, okay, now I can breathe easy, now I can find contentment or joy. And again, in God's providence, this was such a lengthy season, there was no corner, it was a straight line. This is what life looks like. And I think it helped me, again, experience that sense of the Lord's grace is sufficient right now. There's not a corner to turn, but in your weakness, he is pouring out what I need in the moment.

I remember a couple things from the service for your mom when the twins had just been born just a few days earlier. One is I remember your son, who I thought there's just this image in my mind of him sitting up near the front and holding his phone so that he could have a video call where your daughter, who was in the hospital with her twins (your grandsons), could participate from afar in that service. And it was just a combination for me of witnessing it: of sweet blessing of watching one sibling love another in that way. And at the same time, real brokenheartedness that you had a daughter who couldn't be there, who longed to be there and was gonna be there in spirit and by technology. And all of what that was for you all in that moment, not only you but your family. And then I remember you getting up and what you spoke on. And I'd love to maybe finish here: your mom's favorite Psalm that my understanding is ministered to both of you over the journey, but then certainly you decided to speak on it, her service commemorating her life and the Lord's love for her. Could you just share what that is and how meaningful that has been on this journey?

Absolutely. Yeah. So it was Psalm 121. And I'll, I'll read it:

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

And that, yes, that was my mom's favorite psalm, but it is it is a favorite psalm for me as well, because it really does capture “Where does our help come from?” It doesn't come from within. It doesn't ultimately come from other people, though God is pleased to use a community of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to help. Our ultimate help and our ultimate hope is the Lord who will keep us from the ultimate evil. And so, yes, my mom, as we all will face, my mom died. But her death is not the end. And that is because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. That is our hope. And so that is why we can say the Lord will keep our going out and coming in from this time forth forever. So yeah, that was her favorite psalm. And I was honored to be able to use that as my text at her funeral.

Mike, thank you so much for sharing this story with us, sharing about your mom, sharing about your family and sharing so openly. I'm incredibly grateful for the Lord's grace in your life, and for you, and Jody, and your family, and the care that you've extended, and certainly for your mom's life and legacy. We really appreciate you sharing all of this with us.

Thanks so much, Gunner.

And friends, thank you for joining us in this conversation. We hope it's been a blessing to you.