How do I deal with the grief of losing my spouse and facing the future alone?

Expect a bumpy road. Grief doesn't follow the model of physical healing, a little bit better each day. It's not a typical wound. Your body does things you never experienced. You feel as though you can't breathe. You feel like you could die. Days are endless, only to be intensified when the evening brings even less to distract you. Daily tasks can feel insurmountable. You don't toss off grief. You carry grief. In response, retrieve your memory of wise daily life. A pastor who lost his spouse of 50 years was back at home alone two weeks after the burial. Family and friends were returning to their particular responsibilities. It was a Tuesday, the morning that was set aside for pastoral care and counsel. The day usually began around 8:30. So he got out of bed at 6:30, brushed his teeth, showered, made his bed, made his ordinary peanut butter and toast, coffee with a little cream, no sugar. Went to his study a little before 8:30. Then he sat where his parishioners would normally sit. He had canceled appointments for the month. And he began to speak the truth of Christ to his heart and to cry out to the Lord.

In your grief, don't isolate, especially from the Lord. He has called you to live. Speak to him. What do you believe? Tell him. Tell him with your very words. Talk to him about your fears. List them to him and allow him to respond. He is your God and Father who hates death and how it separates us from those we love. He grieves with his people who grieve. He's your father of compassion. In Jesus Christ, he's even taken death on himself, so death is not the last word. One day you will indeed laugh again. Don't isolate from God. Don't isolate from people. If you receive an invitation, say “yes.” Ask them to pray for you. Ask them to pray something that only Jesus can give you. Perhaps, “Pray that I would hear his very words of life.” Ask for help when you need it. And settle into one Scripture. For example, Psalm 34:18. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; he saves the crushed in spirit.” Or one that I heard that was even more desperate from a dear friend. All he could say was, “God is a refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Speak these as promises of God. Speak them also as your desperate need.