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Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation

Restoring Your Broken Marriage: Healing after Adultery

Restoring Your Broken Marriage: You probably picked up this booklet because adultery has jolted your marriage or the marriage of a family member or friend. You knew these things happened to others; you just never expected them to happen to you.

Let me assure you that you are not alone. Infidelity is more common than you might imagine. Be it an illicit kiss or full sexual union, even Christians have violated their vows to forsake all others and cling only to their spouse.

Maybe you’re the offended partner. You’ve felt many of the common responses:

• Anger: “I hate my spouse for what he did.” Or
“I despise the woman he slept with.”

• Despair, hopelessness: “I’ll never get over this. My life is over.”

• Fear: “What’s going to happen next? What do I do now?”

• Jealousy: “I can’t believe he picked her over me.”

• Regret, guilt: “I know I’ve failed; I drove him into her arms.”

• Relief: “I suspected it; I’m glad it’s out. We’ve been living a lie too long.”

• Revenge: “I’ll get him for this. I’ll hire the best attorney….”

• Embarrassment, shame: “How can I face my family? What will my church say?”

Or maybe you’re the offender, and you’re having your own struggles (with little permission to feel or express them):

• Guilt: “I have sinned; I really blew it this time.”

• Anger: “If she had been a better wife, this wouldn’t have happened.” Or “I can’t believe my buddy told on me.”

• Fear: “What will my wife do to me? Will she forgive me, or is this the end? What will my church and family do?”

• Despair, suicide: “I see no way out. My life is over. I may as well end it.”

• Relief: “Deep down I’m glad I got caught. I’ve been living a lie. Now it’s over.”

• Embarrassment, shame: “How will I face anyone ever again? I need to move away.”

Did you notice the overlap in the two lists? Crises like this reveal the core struggles in every human heart. At the end of the day, every one of us—offender, offended, or caring helper—needs the same Redeemer to minister to our particular battles.