Did my wife submit this question? I think she probably did. But no in all seriousness, this is something we hear in counseling quite a bit. Something that is very common for a wife to say, “My husband is not very emotionally expressive. We don’t connect on a deep intimate level. We don’t talk as we once did while we were dating and engaged.”
And maybe the first place that I would start is at two things and the first thing is your husband may need help here and he may be less emotionally expressive. Help him, do everything you can to understand what makes it easier for him to open up, to share what’s going on inside. It’s not true that there’s nothing going on inside, there’s probably a lot going on inside and how can you help him to open his heart to you? How can you move towards him in such a way that draws him out, in patience, in acknowledging that this is a place that may be harder for him than it is for you as a wife?
The second thing I would say is asking yourself the question, “What does it feel like for my husband, what would my husband say it feels like to be in conflict with me, what does it feel like for my husband to be in conversation with me, how do I impact him?” And so oftentimes, it’s not that a husband is emotionally less intelligent or is dull in this way. He maybe even an internal processor and yet the way a wife is moving towards or against or standing over in disappointment or complaining or in anger and frustration, it overwhelms her husband and he starts to shut down. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what to say and he becomes more silent and less sharing, less disclosing of his heart and that becomes a bigger pattern in the relationship and it’s hard to find a way out of that. But that second point is, how do I impact my husband? Am I moving in a way that pushes him away, that shuts him down, that overwhelms him, that makes it actually harder for him? And going back to the first point, how can I not live in disappointment and frustration and discouragement and loneliness but actually help my husband in this way? It’s worth fighting for, it’s worth continuing to strive to move towards your husband in grace, in patience, in gentleness. That’s worth doing.