Imagine this. After church, everyone is engaged in some kind of conversation. That is a step in the right direction even if half the conversations are about the weather. Then you overhear slivers of those conversations. People are being vulnerable and speaking about matters that are important—the sermon, a parenting question, a challenge with a coworker, a dementing parent, depression that won’t quit—and those who are listening clearly care.
What can you do to contribute to a church culture where people talk openly and are vulnerable with each other, and they are drawn both into the community and into Christ?
There are two parts to this: (1) a church culture in which people listen well, pray well, avoid the pitfalls of advice-giving, and do not default to personal illustrations from their life—“Really? The same thing happened to me”—and (2) a culture in which church leadership and members are open and invite vulnerability. How can we encourage this?
We begin by knowing the culture of the kingdom of God. We have been transferred from the domain of darkness into his kingdom of light (Col 1:12–13), and there is a lot to talk about. We describe what God has done; we help each other to see that he is active now; and we remind each other that he is close, with us, even in us, and we in him. Though sin and suffering remain, our openness is our small way of announcing that God’s kingdom has come.
What has contributed to your openness before God and others, and how are you practicing that feature of kingdom culture? Here are twelve ways we could all contribute to it.
- Study the psalms together. The psalms are public more than private, and they reveal the culture of heaven. They could be used for worship in services and small groups. Before reading portions of laments such as Psalm 56, you could introduce them this way: “This morning, we will begin with a psalm that will speak on behalf of some of us but not all. As we say it together, some will speak it as their own, and some will speak it as a declaration of kinship and unity with those who lament.”
- Speak of your own neediness. One pastor casually mentioned, “Busyness overtook my rest in Jesus this week.” Another asked for prayer for a coming sermon that had not yet reached his own heart. This is neediness.
- Invite personal stories. Every person’s story about knowing Jesus is hard, good, and miraculous. An open church seeks out these stories and wants to hear them. The ones about clinging to Christ even when hard circumstances persist are especially important for our communities. Through these, we come to know each other and how to pray for each other, and together, we enjoy seeing the creative love of the Spirit who works in us.
- Reflect on the prototypic stories in your church. Watch out for a steady stream of the triumphal ones—“Everything changed now that I know Jesus.” The more common (and real) stories are of desperation and questions of God’s care, pain that doesn’t cease, and sin that has to be met with arduous battle.
- Make booklets available on various struggles in life (e.g., depression, anxiety, psychiatric problems, transgender friends, death of a loved one). Highlight a booklet along with a brief summary.1
- Have playlists of songs available for different types of trouble.
- Put a brief discussion about suicide on the yearly calendar. People who follow Christ have these thoughts too. Read some excerpts from Psalm 88. It is best to go through them together so friends can ask, “What would be a way I could be most helpful?” and pray that Psalm 88 would be followed by the confident faith of Psalm 89.
- Ask teens for advice on how adults can help them speak openly.
- Thank those in the church who are open and ask for help. They reveal strength in weakness.
- Every person should be able to identify the normal Christian life. That is, we are affected by all the problems of the world, but we can talk to Jesus and each other in the midst of them.
- Every marriage should be able to identify the normal Christian marriage. We are busy. When we are together, we do not always know how to connect. When we are hurt, we don’t always know how to speak with the other person. We need Jesus each day, and we need each other.
- Identify some details of what a culture of openness, struggle, and faith can look like, and pray for it together as a church and community.
The alternative to an open people is a church of polite people who hope to look like they are managing life well. Such a church will be ashamed to speak about their hearts before both other people and before the Lord. What we want is a church that leads the way in being poor and needy and in asking Jesus and his people for help.
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- New Growth Press has published a large number of counseling booklets and offers them with a display case. ↩︎
