Sometimes when I talk with couples about their marriage, the husband looks as though he is in abject pain. And he is. It is not that he hates his wife—in fact his very presence shows that he wants to do marriage well. The problem is that he feels like an outsider among those who are insiders. He is forced to talk about relationships and feelings—a language that seems to make sense to his wife and this other guy—i.e., me—but that language is a dialect that he doesn’t understand. He feels a bit out of it; he feels less than competent; he feels stupid.
CCEF is excited to announce that we are offering a new course in 2015! The course is “Counseling Abusive Marriages” and will be taught by Darby Strickland. Darby has been a counselor for fifteen years and has gained a wealth of experience and case wisdom on how to effectively intervene in difficult marriage situations.
CCEF interviewed Darby (DS) to learn about the new course.
Most marriages have times when one spouse does not like the other, and the dislike is usually mutual—at least my “friends” tell me that is accurate, though I’m confident that even when my wife thinks she doesn’t like me, she secretly—very secretly—likes me. For some of us, these times happen less frequently and we manage them with more skill and grace. For others, mutual dislike is chronic rather than acute, and marital hopelessness becomes the rule.
Excuse me for barging in, but it might be time for more people to intrude into the marital bedroom. Though there are some good Christian books on marital sex, most of them repeat two basic mantras: (1) Christians are not sexually reserved. Behind closed doors we are incredibly frisky and uninhibited, and (2) let your conscience be your guide. If a particular form of sexual expression is acceptable to both spouses, it is okay with God. Let’s not get legalistic in matters where we have freedom of conscience.