We don’t often get to see the inner-workings of peoples’ hearts. Here is an encouraging exception. Read here about how one woman worked through her feelings to find God’s rest as she made plans for her son’s wedding.

I am stressed…over the plans for my son’s wedding. I have the pressure, I put on myself, of finding accommodations for all on our side for the family. Also, of planning a rehearsal dinner hundreds of miles away.

I am on the internet for hours looking at houses to rent. My physical symptoms are a backache and this vague uneasy sense that makes me want to take deep breaths…maybe I am not breathing!! Why am I looking at houses? The bride’s family is staying in a nice house (coveting) in this resort area…they have connections. They stay here every year. We weren’t included with them (rejection) and I just can’t book any old hotel. How would that look (pride/fear of man)?

The “counselors” in my mind (to whom I am listening) are telling me how selfish (judging) it is to have a destination wedding, and how costly it is going to be with rooms, food, travel (greed). My sister-in-law has just told me that they’ll bring booze to “pay’ for their part of the house! And how inconsiderate this whole plan is anyway (more judging and complaining) … 95% of all guests live within a 2 hr drive of the bride’s hometown if not actually IN town. Like one of my brothers who can’t come because he can’t travel that weekend. Also, what a pain it is to plan this rehearsal dinner in a town I know nothing about…I need a glass of wine (comfort idol)!!

Real fear I will fail at my responsibilities as the groom’s mother looms large in my heart and mind (serious fear of man).

The “heat” (the pressure I am feeling) is simply my son’s wedding plans and I have put some of the root issues in parenthesis: greed, selfishness, fear of man, judging someone else’s intentions, pride, coveting my future in-laws’ means. The “fruit” is stinky: grumbling, complaining, physical pain, bad mood, depression. This has been going on for several days. I wake in the morning to a brief moment of the pleasure of a day the Lord has made only to remember that I have not finalized any of these plans and they are hanging over my head like a dark cloud! And further, I am prayerless. I have not really asked God to help me and certainly not to deliver me from my funk. Surely I can handle this plan making…I can do this!

WHILE listening to David Powlison’s lecture on the self counseling project God just takes hold of my heart and mind. I ask myself, “What am I doing listening to these voices lying to me?” My heart has “departed from the Lord.” I cannot even see that good has come. I need to tell myself the truth and the Lord is reminding me of it through David Powlison’s words.

This is the wedding I thought I would never see, of my son to his love…the parents of our first grandchild, almost 17 months old at this writing. Countless people have been praying because the bride and groom shortly after conception of this child were not even together…in any way, spiritually, physically, emotionally. I cannot tell you how much of a miracle it is that these two are in love and choosing to marry.

I am repenting—asking God to forgive me that I have not trusted Him to complete these trivial details when He has moved mountains to change hearts already. Even now as I type this, tears are flowing down my face. I realize I should be thankful I am being ALLOWED to plan this and praising God for this wonderful event to come. Suddenly, the “burden” of the plans has a whole new feel. My heart is humbled as I see again how God loves me even in my complaining and “wining” (no typo). Jesus is with me in my joy! And I call a friend to confess and let her rejoice with me!!

The result has been a heart more focused on God and His sovereignty. Less on my own power. I have had the peace and wisdom to be able to encourage others in their hard places, to remind them of His great love for us and even now to continue to remind myself…I so easily forget.

¹A class assignment for David Powlison’s Dynamics of Biblical Change class.