I like your post its quite informative and i love to visit you again as you have done a wonderful job. i love to bookmark this site and would send it to other friends to read it and visit it to get upto date and quite interesting information braindump, i like the way you are working,keep it up, i will be here again as i get some time from 350-030 studies because they make me little busy, but i would love to stuck here again after my exams of 642-901. Thanks for sharing nice information with us. 70-642
I wanted to run this by you Ed. I believe the essential element that animates a person's behavior is what they believe, what or who they trust. A child develops this as they learn to trust their parents for affection, nourishment, clothing and shelter (etc.). We all know that eventually that trust is violated by the intrinsic sinful nature of their parents to one degree or another. We also know the intensity of the violation depends on the perception of it. I work with kids at our county juvenial detention home. I make sure I ask this question, "have you ever felt all alone, all by yourself, that you are all that you have?" If a person feels/thinks that they are all that they have then they will only trust themselves. They think at least I won't abandon, betray, or reject myself. So they love themselves by doing things they like depending on their frame of reference, something pleasurable. What or who that is becomes their addiction. They know the addiction doesn't really satisfy, but since they are all that they have, replacing it with something else is not an option. Their only option is amplifying its intensity. So goes the progressive nature of the addiction. So, what I'm running by you is that from this thinking the transfer is not the love of what they are addicted to(so much), but the transfer is trusting in themselves for the love they long to be loved by, to trusting Christ alone for that love. And here's the million dollar question; how do I convey to those kids who are addicted, who have a death grip on trusting themselves alone, to transfer their trust to Christ?
I highly praise and bless you Mr Welch for stating what you did. My husband of 15yrs has done nothing but blame me for his verbal and sometimes physical abuse. My marriage is nothing more than a blame game. He loves the Lord so I have a hard time figuring out why he acts the way he does and often think of him as a hypocrite. There is a certain degree of faith I've lost for God because of it. I've prayed so long for a change I've lost hope. I wish you were closer to Denver! Anyways, I am seriously contemplating divorce today after being told by him yesterday that "He doesn't love me enough to change his behavior". I hope and pray you read this I need so much to hear some guidence, what ever that may be, from someone who knows. Thank You!!!
Ed,
Excellent comments, I hope they help today as I have to deal with an angry person today.
One suggestion. Rather than "divest yourself of all the things you desire and cherish for yourself," I would change that to "place something that is worthy of more cherishing and more desire in front of your eyes, namely Christ."
Sam Storms delivered a superior message on this topic, you can watch it here, The Practical Sin-Killing Power of Christian Hedonism. He quotes Jonathan Edwards: "He didn't tell them, 'Instead of pleasure, seek God,' but 'Seek your pleasure in God.'" Powerful.
Would you mind giving some direction on where to begin with getting a grasp on Biblical Counseling? In other words, could you recommend a few resources (books, articles, lectures, etc.) that could give the foundations of BC upon which the particulars are built? Thank you very much for your time.
The previous person to comment on this said it well. I had noticed I was doing something like this. My wife has commented that she is not always to blame in things. I see that I need to own what is really mine, but it is difficult. Hopefully this clear identifying will help me. I wanted to leave one caution, though, and perhaps I do so with the risk of sounding like I am trying to give myself/other men an out, but I think it is part of being biblically balanced. The Ephesians 5 passage on husbands requires them to disciple their wives. It is good to get this blame-sharing thing dealt with, but it would be very bad, also, for men to go back to the 90's 'sensitive man' attitude in which men did not strongly lead in order to be soft and pleasing to women. The speck and log is very important -- that always gets me in the gut -- but it would be very helpful to see some comments that balance the need to repent of blame-sharing with the continuing need to disciple our wives.
Thank you for identifying this for me. I have realized this is something I struggle with in my heart. It hasn't come out in conflicts with my wife verbally as much as it has internally. Especially since I feel the need to "offer counseling" to her in the midst of her struggle. After all, I was humble enough to admit my sin, so my spouse should follow suit. And who better than me to point out her sin after I have "come clean." This is nothing short of manipulation and completely misses the point of confession and humility. We don't confess our sin in order to get our wives to confess theirs. We confess because we have sinned and it needs to be confessed regardless of the sin in the hearts of our spouses. Far too often, I am too righteous in my own eyes. Your identifying this phenomenon of blame-sharing will help me grow in humility as I face conflicts with my wife.
Lundy Bancroft has written several excellent books about domestic abuse. Lundy has spent over 17 years studying the behavior of abusive men and is the former codirector of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men. A helpful book that gives an accurate picture of abusive men and provides help for them and their families is titled Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Amazon has a good description of and reviews of the book. http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_...
I agree. Question: Culture says alcoholism is a disease. AA and most christian versions of it I have seen, seem to have the same view. What does the biblical intervention method for groups of people look like? I want to offer this at my church and yet be biblical. Comments?
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging comments. A neurotypical person's reflections ultimately mean very little if they do not resonate with the experience of brothers and sisters who find themselves on the autistic spectrum.
I just wanted to say I found this while searching for David Powlison. I am on the Autistic spectrum diagnosed as high-functioning autistic and this is definitely an accurate account. What NTs need to realize is that there are several of us out there like this. If you see someone in a wheelchair, you know it would be wrong to challenge him to a foot-race. You can't see our condition like that. It's not written above our heads. Maybe before some people assume someone is rude, they should consider they might just be different. As it is, I am a Seminary student with a great interest in apologetics, hence my name, and I work at a Christian ministry. I am also currently in love with and dating a young lady with Asperger's so we relate well together. I am pleased to see more people taking the time to get to know our world and I would enjoy getting the chance to speak to you.
More so a question: What is the difference between Christian Psychology and Integration? These are two different views presented in the book Psychology and Christianity, of which David Powlison has also contributed sections to. But the authors representing Christian Psychology and Integration are very confusing. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
I just preached a series on Singleness out of Isaiah 56:3-5. No doubt the marriage unit is foundational for all of society, but not foundational for the family of God. Yes marriage is the visible picture of Christ and the church, yet Christ himself didn't get married here on earth during his earthly ministry. Christ did visibly demonstrate that in Singleness one can add to the family of God through Regeneration (being born again). I would suggest a good study on Isaiah 53:10 and Isaiah 54.
Hey, This is off the subject of suicide, but I saw that one of the electives listed for the National Conf. is a talked on how church leaders should respond to sexual abuse. I can't come to the conference, but I want to know if I can get more information on the content of this message. I would love to know your view on the subject! Can you help, or direct me to the person I should ask?
great post. Glad to hear how you are continuing to refine the hands-on portion of the CCEF education. These are great resources. I would think that one of the riches you all have is the live supervision aspect of training--of observing interns in action through the one-way mirror (or video feed) and giving instant feedback. Ever thought of the "bug in the ear" idea where the supervisor offers brief directions to the intern right during the session?
Let’s step back for a minute. How does a biblical counselor usually help such a person? Perhaps two or three passages of scripture leap to mind, verses that might direct this man’s thinking away from the unreliable affections of people to the unchanging, perfect, and infinite love of Christ. Here’s the problem: my internet marketing counselee already knows most of those passages. We’ve read and discussed many of them together. So, where to now? I know, you’ll remind me that I should press on, remembering that change is a process and often a internet phone slow one at that. But I want to share with you something different that I tried that was a game changer and I believe reflects on the ways we need to think more broadly about worship in the counseling process. I turned to a Psalm that focuses on God’s love that we had recently discussed and I asked my counselee to stand and read it credit card processing aloud and to read it aloud with me. He seemed surprised but reluctantly did as I asked. When we finished and sat back down I asked him how he felt.
Designing your own liturgy of confession will help you to think through exactly what you need to bring to God, and what you need from God. It will give you serious words to express your sorrow, regret, guilt and pain over your abortion. It will lead you by the hand to God’s mercy and to his washing away of your sin windows backup software and guilt. The parts of this liturgy in italics are taken and adapted from the General Confession of Sin in The Book of Common Prayer. Even when your thoughts and feelings are chaotic, these words can serve as your guide. They are a channel for honesty. Instead of wallowing in misery and failure, these data recovery words help you to plan how you will walk in the direction of honesty, mercy, gratitude, and freedom. I suggest that you pray out loud. It helps you to remember that you are talking with someone who is listening. You aren’t just thinking things inside your head. Use this prayer to express the gravity of what happened. Use it to remind yourself out loud that God’s mercies are deeper than what you did or failed web host to do. Read through this prayer and meditation first. Then go back through it, writing out your own words to personalize it. Express your honest story to God in response to hearing what he says to you.
Great article so far. "Don't ask, don't tell" is common. So is, "We understand, it's okay." Compassion and understanding are essential, but so are loving confrontation and concern.
Blogposts are supposes to be short! That is their strength and weakness. That being the case, let me nuance my first point a bit since it might play into the caricature some may have about CCEF. I am not saying that there is no place for general revelation and the insights of others. I am simply arguing the basic idea of Sola Scriptura. At the end of the day, Scripture provides a proper lens through which to interpret the insights of others. We at CCEF do not claim to do this perfectly but it is our humble aim to submit to Scripture as best we know how as we remain open to ongoing growth and correction!
I had some of the same reservations about seeing the movie as you identified. I also was pleasantly surprised by the way the film portrays the raw emotions and pain of a failing marriage. Though the film has fairly low "production values" and some poor script, poor acting sections, it does have an "aroma of grace and redemption" permeating its core message. I am more dubious about the "evangelical products" it has spawned, including the 40 day dare.
Very good point that our society is inundated with public displays of sex and we are expected not to speak disprovingly about them but only be aroused by them. It seems nothing is private anymore, so why not take public issue with the harmful aspects of illicit sex?
I like your post its quite informative and i love to visit you again as you have done a wonderful job. i love to bookmark this site and would send it to other friends to read it and visit it to get upto date and quite interesting information braindump, i like the way you are working,keep it up, i will be here again as i get some time from 350-030 studies because they make me little busy, but i would love to stuck here again after my exams of 642-901. Thanks for sharing nice information with us. 70-642
I wanted to run this by you Ed. I believe the essential element that animates a person's behavior is what they believe, what or who they trust. A child develops this as they learn to trust their parents for affection, nourishment, clothing and shelter (etc.). We all know that eventually that trust is violated by the intrinsic sinful nature of their parents to one degree or another. We also know the intensity of the violation depends on the perception of it. I work with kids at our county juvenial detention home. I make sure I ask this question, "have you ever felt all alone, all by yourself, that you are all that you have?" If a person feels/thinks that they are all that they have then they will only trust themselves. They think at least I won't abandon, betray, or reject myself. So they love themselves by doing things they like depending on their frame of reference, something pleasurable. What or who that is becomes their addiction. They know the addiction doesn't really satisfy, but since they are all that they have, replacing it with something else is not an option. Their only option is amplifying its intensity. So goes the progressive nature of the addiction. So, what I'm running by you is that from this thinking the transfer is not the love of what they are addicted to(so much), but the transfer is trusting in themselves for the love they long to be loved by, to trusting Christ alone for that love. And here's the million dollar question; how do I convey to those kids who are addicted, who have a death grip on trusting themselves alone, to transfer their trust to Christ?
I highly praise and bless you Mr Welch for stating what you did. My husband of 15yrs has done nothing but blame me for his verbal and sometimes physical abuse. My marriage is nothing more than a blame game. He loves the Lord so I have a hard time figuring out why he acts the way he does and often think of him as a hypocrite. There is a certain degree of faith I've lost for God because of it. I've prayed so long for a change I've lost hope. I wish you were closer to Denver! Anyways, I am seriously contemplating divorce today after being told by him yesterday that "He doesn't love me enough to change his behavior". I hope and pray you read this I need so much to hear some guidence, what ever that may be, from someone who knows. Thank You!!!
Ed,
Excellent comments, I hope they help today as I have to deal with an angry person today.
One suggestion. Rather than "divest yourself of all the things you desire and cherish for yourself," I would change that to "place something that is worthy of more cherishing and more desire in front of your eyes, namely Christ."
Sam Storms delivered a superior message on this topic, you can watch it here, The Practical Sin-Killing Power of Christian Hedonism. He quotes Jonathan Edwards: "He didn't tell them, 'Instead of pleasure, seek God,' but 'Seek your pleasure in God.'" Powerful.
This is a very difficult topic and very vulnerable to itself being the source of abuse towards others.
Ed,
Would you mind giving some direction on where to begin with getting a grasp on Biblical Counseling? In other words, could you recommend a few resources (books, articles, lectures, etc.) that could give the foundations of BC upon which the particulars are built? Thank you very much for your time.
The previous person to comment on this said it well. I had noticed I was doing something like this. My wife has commented that she is not always to blame in things. I see that I need to own what is really mine, but it is difficult. Hopefully this clear identifying will help me. I wanted to leave one caution, though, and perhaps I do so with the risk of sounding like I am trying to give myself/other men an out, but I think it is part of being biblically balanced. The Ephesians 5 passage on husbands requires them to disciple their wives. It is good to get this blame-sharing thing dealt with, but it would be very bad, also, for men to go back to the 90's 'sensitive man' attitude in which men did not strongly lead in order to be soft and pleasing to women. The speck and log is very important -- that always gets me in the gut -- but it would be very helpful to see some comments that balance the need to repent of blame-sharing with the continuing need to disciple our wives.
Thank you for identifying this for me. I have realized this is something I struggle with in my heart. It hasn't come out in conflicts with my wife verbally as much as it has internally. Especially since I feel the need to "offer counseling" to her in the midst of her struggle. After all, I was humble enough to admit my sin, so my spouse should follow suit. And who better than me to point out her sin after I have "come clean." This is nothing short of manipulation and completely misses the point of confession and humility. We don't confess our sin in order to get our wives to confess theirs. We confess because we have sinned and it needs to be confessed regardless of the sin in the hearts of our spouses. Far too often, I am too righteous in my own eyes. Your identifying this phenomenon of blame-sharing will help me grow in humility as I face conflicts with my wife.
I appreciate that this issue is being so honestly and openly addressed...
Thanks for your article.
Dean Sunseri, LPC
www.ihaveavoice.com
Lundy Bancroft has written several excellent books about domestic abuse. Lundy has spent over 17 years studying the behavior of abusive men and is the former codirector of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men. A helpful book that gives an accurate picture of abusive men and provides help for them and their families is titled Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Amazon has a good description of and reviews of the book. http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_...
I agree. Question: Culture says alcoholism is a disease. AA and most christian versions of it I have seen, seem to have the same view. What does the biblical intervention method for groups of people look like? I want to offer this at my church and yet be biblical. Comments?
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging comments. A neurotypical person's reflections ultimately mean very little if they do not resonate with the experience of brothers and sisters who find themselves on the autistic spectrum.
I just wanted to say I found this while searching for David Powlison. I am on the Autistic spectrum diagnosed as high-functioning autistic and this is definitely an accurate account. What NTs need to realize is that there are several of us out there like this. If you see someone in a wheelchair, you know it would be wrong to challenge him to a foot-race. You can't see our condition like that. It's not written above our heads. Maybe before some people assume someone is rude, they should consider they might just be different. As it is, I am a Seminary student with a great interest in apologetics, hence my name, and I work at a Christian ministry. I am also currently in love with and dating a young lady with Asperger's so we relate well together. I am pleased to see more people taking the time to get to know our world and I would enjoy getting the chance to speak to you.
More so a question: What is the difference between Christian Psychology and Integration? These are two different views presented in the book Psychology and Christianity, of which David Powlison has also contributed sections to. But the authors representing Christian Psychology and Integration are very confusing. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
Blake Shaw
I just preached a series on Singleness out of Isaiah 56:3-5. No doubt the marriage unit is foundational for all of society, but not foundational for the family of God. Yes marriage is the visible picture of Christ and the church, yet Christ himself didn't get married here on earth during his earthly ministry. Christ did visibly demonstrate that in Singleness one can add to the family of God through Regeneration (being born again). I would suggest a good study on Isaiah 53:10 and Isaiah 54.
Hey, This is off the subject of suicide, but I saw that one of the electives listed for the National Conf. is a talked on how church leaders should respond to sexual abuse. I can't come to the conference, but I want to know if I can get more information on the content of this message. I would love to know your view on the subject! Can you help, or direct me to the person I should ask?
great post. Glad to hear how you are continuing to refine the hands-on portion of the CCEF education. These are great resources. I would think that one of the riches you all have is the live supervision aspect of training--of observing interns in action through the one-way mirror (or video feed) and giving instant feedback. Ever thought of the "bug in the ear" idea where the supervisor offers brief directions to the intern right during the session?
Let’s step back for a minute. How does a biblical counselor usually help such a person? Perhaps two or three passages of scripture leap to mind, verses that might direct this man’s thinking away from the unreliable affections of people to the unchanging, perfect, and infinite love of Christ. Here’s the problem: my internet marketing counselee already knows most of those passages. We’ve read and discussed many of them together. So, where to now? I know, you’ll remind me that I should press on, remembering that change is a process and often a internet phone slow one at that. But I want to share with you something different that I tried that was a game changer and I believe reflects on the ways we need to think more broadly about worship in the counseling process. I turned to a Psalm that focuses on God’s love that we had recently discussed and I asked my counselee to stand and read it credit card processing aloud and to read it aloud with me. He seemed surprised but reluctantly did as I asked. When we finished and sat back down I asked him how he felt.
Designing your own liturgy of confession will help you to think through exactly what you need to bring to God, and what you need from God. It will give you serious words to express your sorrow, regret, guilt and pain over your abortion. It will lead you by the hand to God’s mercy and to his washing away of your sin windows backup software and guilt. The parts of this liturgy in italics are taken and adapted from the General Confession of Sin in The Book of Common Prayer. Even when your thoughts and feelings are chaotic, these words can serve as your guide. They are a channel for honesty. Instead of wallowing in misery and failure, these data recovery words help you to plan how you will walk in the direction of honesty, mercy, gratitude, and freedom. I suggest that you pray out loud. It helps you to remember that you are talking with someone who is listening. You aren’t just thinking things inside your head. Use this prayer to express the gravity of what happened. Use it to remind yourself out loud that God’s mercies are deeper than what you did or failed web host to do. Read through this prayer and meditation first. Then go back through it, writing out your own words to personalize it. Express your honest story to God in response to hearing what he says to you.
Great article so far. "Don't ask, don't tell" is common. So is, "We understand, it's okay." Compassion and understanding are essential, but so are loving confrontation and concern.
Blogposts are supposes to be short! That is their strength and weakness. That being the case, let me nuance my first point a bit since it might play into the caricature some may have about CCEF. I am not saying that there is no place for general revelation and the insights of others. I am simply arguing the basic idea of Sola Scriptura. At the end of the day, Scripture provides a proper lens through which to interpret the insights of others. We at CCEF do not claim to do this perfectly but it is our humble aim to submit to Scripture as best we know how as we remain open to ongoing growth and correction!
I had some of the same reservations about seeing the movie as you identified. I also was pleasantly surprised by the way the film portrays the raw emotions and pain of a failing marriage. Though the film has fairly low "production values" and some poor script, poor acting sections, it does have an "aroma of grace and redemption" permeating its core message. I am more dubious about the "evangelical products" it has spawned, including the 40 day dare.
Very good point that our society is inundated with public displays of sex and we are expected not to speak disprovingly about them but only be aroused by them. It seems nothing is private anymore, so why not take public issue with the harmful aspects of illicit sex?
I am going to order this book.
thanks