Winston T. Smith, M.Div. is a counselor and faculty member at CCEF. Winston has been counseling for more than 15 years and holds a Master of Divinity degree from Westminster Theological Seminary. Winston is the author of Marriage Matters: Extraordinary Change Through Ordinary Moments as well as several mini-books: Divorce Recovery; Help for Stepfamilies; It’s All About Me—The Problem with Masturbation; Who Does the Dishes?; and Help! My Spouse Committed Adultery.
Parenting so often can feel confusing and overwhelming. We want Biblical wisdom and yet we are not sure where to turn. This bundle contains refreshing, honest and wise counsel directly from Scripture on how to approach our children with God’s agenda and not our own.
In this Counselor’s Toolbox Winston Smith considers when NOT to do marriage counseling. Naturally it is a desirable goal for a husband and wife to counsel together. But Smith describes specific situations in which that is the wrong thing to do. Depending on the circumstances, a counselor may need to counsel the spouses separately, or focus on the one spouse who is most ready and motivated to work.
Recently, as I approached the breakfast table I caught the tail end of a conversation my teenagers were having that ended with my son explaining to one of his younger sisters, “I would definitely kill you first if we were selected as tribute.” I was only mildly relieved to find that they were talking about The Hunger Games, the novel by Suzanne Collins and recent blockbuster movie. I’d heard mention of it, but given the way it had ruined my breakfast, I thought I should investigate further.
When we witness a divorce, we often focus on the headlines: what went wrong, who is responsible, custody arrangements, financial needs, and sometimes even church discipline. It’s easy to miss the insidious work that guilt and shame are doing behind the scenes. Divorced spouses feel like “damaged goods” and “second-class citizens” in the church. Children blame themselves, and well-meaning helpers litter the path with half-truths and pat answers. Guilt and shame are often complicated or masked by silence, anxiety, anger, and bitterness.
The religious leaders of Jesus’ day were shocked by the company he kept - tax collectors, prostitutes, and “sinners”- and yet Jesus joyfully welcomed them because “the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” As those found and saved by him, our corporate worship should be rich with messages of God’s gracious love for the guilty and shamed.
What is right about sex? The question is obviously important—but the answers are not obvious. Our culture has difficulty imagining what could be wrong with sex (as long as it is mutually consenting), and our churches often don’t make clear what is right about sex (given all that goes so wrong). Winston Smith probes this question to bring us to an understanding what is right and good about sex. He shines a particularly bright light on what goes wrong, and holds forth a goal worthy of our aspirations.
Winston Smith evaluates a book on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is one of the new third-generation behavioral therapies. The first generation was about behavior and reinforcement and the second, arising in the 1960s, added cognition and stoic philosophy. This newest generation adds emotions to the picture, and considers people in relationship rather than in stoic isolation. Smith assesses both the provocative strengths and the underlying shortcomings of EFT.
This week on Help & Hope, Winston Smith, Bryan Munnings, Mike Emlet, and Myriam Hertzog discuss the issues that are involved in showing tough love to adult children.
